It’s good to spend Thanksgiving with your loved ones
I hadn’t exactly dreaded Thanksgiving; last year was the first without Jerry, it was only me and Bear. This year Bear is abroad, I still have family although it felt odd without Jerry and Bear. I felt strangely alone even with people around me. I told myself and Olive that this is likely the last time we’ll be here doing this. Even if I don’t move I don’t think I’ll be at my sister’s. A day alone, with something simple instead of a huge meal sounds appealing rather than lonely and pathetic. There’s something comforting and reassuring about it. I may feel differently next year, may want to be here again but I rather doubt it. I do not want to have to make the effort, just talking to people seems to take too much energy even when it’s small talk.
Ironically the one thing I had prepared myself for, talking about Jerry, didn’t happen. No one mentioned him. My dad prayed for Bear and acknowledged his absence but it was as if they forgot Jerry ever existed. I want to say they did it out of concern or respect for me but they didn’t. I tried not to feel slighted but it was sobering how soon he vanished from their minds. Most of my time was spent keeping my nephew from playing too roughly with Olive. Porkchop took off and hid when he heard them come in. He sauntered out two hours after they left. I gave Olive extra turkey for her patience.
I talked to my mother-in-law today too. She didn’t mention Jerry either, perhaps it’s still too hard. I waited for her to mention him but when she didn’t I decided not to either. We talked a lot about Bear, my upcoming trip and what we were doing this day. It was light but extremely awkward at the same time.
Bear and I talked, texted. His stomach was upset, he had gone through a lot of 7up he said. It could have been something he ate, but it was probably stress. He was diagnosed with an ulcer in high school. He worries and stresses out easily, like Jerry. He has hypertension like his father, but at least Bear’s was discovered early, unlike Jerry’s. Doctors told him he was too young to have high blood pressure and blew it off, only giving him meds when he was in his 30’s. This hangs over him too, not a death sentence but he’s more aware of his health than the average Millennial. I worry about him too but try not to add to his stress, I only hope I don’t.
He didn’t mention his dad either but we were both thinking of him. Simpsons references and things Jerry said, stuff that had his dad all over it.
For technical purposes Thanksgiving is over, we ate the big dinner and my sister and her family went home. I am glad. Tomorrow is Black Friday, purgatory for anyone who works retail. Normally I try to ignore it but I will be out in it, hitting the mall with a bunch of other deranged humans up before sunrise looking for a good deal. I’m in the market for a big suitcase. I have done my research: looked online, checked out the print ads and feel I’m ready for this. It’s for my trip to see Bear at Christmas; I need something big enough to haul a lot of crap. Also I have to find, kill, buy and bring it back before 1pm. Not because the super sales end but because the Rangers are playing the Bruins and it’s the first game of the season I will get to watch. I favor the Rangers over the Bruins since Boston beat my Wings yesterday and for this, the first minute 42 seconds.