Too Tired to Sleep

Which is why I’m watching Today Show reruns and making my pets do the same.

I officially moved out of the apartment today, took out everything and turned in my keys. I’m done.

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I also moved to a bigger storage locker and it took 3 hours to transfer everything in the old one and most of the stuff in my overcrowded car. I begged leniency from the security guard who was going to kick me out. Then it began to get later and I asked my sister and her husband to help me, something I dreaded doing. They have to be prodded to help and she seems to resent it when I ask, so I don’t. But this was an emergency, I did not want to be here alone especially as it grew darker and after 2 1/2 hours I was tired. I knew my extension was almost up too.

I’ve griped to myself about having to do this all by myself but truth is I haven’t. I gave the bed frame away, hired movers and my brother-in-law helped me haul stuff to Goodwill and tonight helped me haul stuff again. I tried to give him money and he said give it to her. I tossed it on his lap and said to buy icees for her and my nephew, who also came along. I hope they did, I went to Sonic and had another diet cherry limeade before going to my other sister’s house where my pets and I are staying. So another example of having people do for me. I have not stopped griping altogether but humbly admit that I have not done everything by myself. If my brother-in-law hadn’t come I wouldn’t have finished for another hour, maybe longer and done it in a deserted storage complex in the dark while constantly looking over my shoulder hoping I wouldn’t be a crime story on the morning news. So I owe some people, including the exasperated security guard and office manager who okayed my stay after hours.

I still have stuff, brought by the movers, to haul over there. I plan to do that in the morning and I plan to write a thank you note to the office manager. Then my move, this one, will be over. I can devote myself to finding a job and place to live here though I hope I get offered
a job in Seattle before that. That’s so far ahead mentally, I just want to finish this then maybe my thinking can shift to something else.

It’s almost like a race. Not trying to beat my best time or compare myself to how others around me seem to be doing but that self pacing, when nothing else and no one else matters. I measure distance by objects, that tree, make it to that tree then past a sign, a bench, those sarcastic looking geese ahead. I notice how I feel, if there’s a pain in one or both of my feet, if breathing is getting hard to do, my heartbeat, even wiping sweat out of my eyes and hoping my contacts don’t come out too. All of this and more, if I need to tie one of my shoes or if I can keep going and how long. It’s a test of my endurance, how much I can take and how much I can do.

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