It’s in the reality stage now. I left my job, my last day at work was Thursday. I gave the apartment office my 30 days notice. I’ve told everyone I’m leaving and can’t go back on my word.
I went for a walk yesterday, to think and to get back into the habit. I didn’t intend to but walked a lot further than I planned. It took 3 hrs and 30 some odd minutes, I felt at times like I was parched, tired and could feel my heart beating hard, so much I had to stop not once but twice. I even began wondering if I would finish, knew I would but when and how were the main questions. It was hot,in the low 80’s at 9:39 when I started and in the low 90’s when I ended at 1:06. I felt a incredible relief when I saw the final street sign under the underpass, because I knew I still had 2 more to go but this gave me a feeling of gratitude. Joy and weeping would have taken too much energy. I was worn out, mostly physically but off mentally too since I began losing sense of time and distance. The important thing is I finished, didn’t collapse. I pushed myself, but stopped because I knew I had to do so. There are times I know I can push myself a little more and keep going but also know when I can’t. This was a time I knew I couldn’t. Sometimes I start out knowing I’m going to challenge myself and prepare for it, wait for it and when it comes, keep on going. Yesterday was not one of those days, I figured I’d go 6, maybe 8 miles, a long walk for me. I ended up doing nearly the equivalent of a half marathon, more than I’ve walked since I trained for the half 2 years ago.
My legs began to ache a little when I looked at my pedometer. I was proud and appalled, as well as incredibly thirsty.
In some ways I consider it a metaphor for my move, to do more than I expected and to find I’m capable even while it wipes me out. I am at the start phase, tomorrow I go to the back room and start the final go-through of my stuff. I will go through Jerry’s things too, something I don’t look forward to doing even while I know I have to at some point. Fortunately he didn’t leave a lot behind. I almost wish I could have someone else do it but there is no one else and I don’t know I’d trust someone to keep or toss important stuff.
It wasn’t all soreness and difficulty. I took my time and took pictures, knowing I wouldn’t be walking here many more times.Here’s one.
And when I left work they gave me a surprise going-away party. I was touched that they went to the trouble. It was not overwrought or too sentimental, to my relief.
Stuff for Olive and Porkchop
I cut into the cookie before I took the picture
Handmade by a co-worker, drawing by her talented 10 yr old daughter. Dog hair by Olive