I walked at the lake tonight, the wind was blowing hard, it was hot and I was lazy so running was not an option. I decided that I was going to do something radical, I was going to buy a pair of shorts. It was hot and black pants are not a good choice when the temps are in the 90s.
So before I could talk myself out of it I went to Goodwill and bought 2 pairs of shorts. I figured if they looked like crap or I felt really dumb at least I didn’t spend much on them. Also I didn’t have to wear them in public, I could sleep in them or send them back to Goodwill, so no pressure.
Why is this a big deal? Because the last time I wore shorts was in 4th grade. True. I had chubby Hobbit legs and all these years later I still do. But I was not body conscious then; I knew I was a fat kid and had fat little legs but shorts were comfortable and I didn’t think about it, until 4th grade. One of my friends commented on my chubby legs and I felt embarrassed and that familiar feeling of shame. I told my mom I wasn’t wearing shorts anymore, just jeans like my friend did. I kept my word and didn’t wear shorts for more than thirty years.
So here are a couple of bad selfies of my Hobbit legs in my new Goodwill shorts. Ignore the clutter, I’m still not completely moved in and will be clearing out of Bear’s room at the end of the month and sharing Jerry’s space. I’m not going to impress anybody or stop traffic in these. Yet I’ve seen people who are bigger than me, people with pale legs and they don’t care what you think about how they look and I’m trying to capture a little of that attitude. Ironically I don’t care about how they look either but the little flicker of shame that I felt when I was 9 years old still burns in the back of my mind and the embers seemed to grow stronger when I looked at myself in the mirror. Which is why I took these, though my lack of previous selfie taking experience shows. I’m not sure when I’ll actually wear either of these in public, but I will, eventually.