I’m having my 2nd sugar-free ice pop in a row. The weather was beautiful, early spring warm and sunny, hard to believe it’s still January. So I walked at the lake today, me and about half the town were out there. I did an hour and ten minutes, no idea how far I went because I didn’t wear the pedometer. It was half on purpose and half forgetfulness. In a way I don’t want to know how slow I am, I don’t want to feel discouraged. Yet I am a little curious so next time I’ll put it on and remind myself I am built for endurance and not speed. Slow and steady finishes the race, it may not win it but it will finish that #$%^. Hm, maybe I should have that put on a t-shirt at cafepress.

I’m trying to stay on target, to move more and to get into condition. Not “shape” since technically I do have a shape (tetrahedron) but the goal is not to be cute and fit into a bathing suit but to get stronger. And for my butt to not feel loose when I walk. I saw one of my former co-workers yesterday, she’s an older woman and was telling me about her bad back, how she hurts when she gets out of a chair the wrong way and how much pain it causes her. And I’ve seen older women and some not older than me at work who walk with canes. I am determined to not be like this and I plan to take yoga classes, walk (and hopefully run again) as long as possible, to avoid being an unhealthy old broad. The old part, I have no choice but I dread being decrepit and want to live a long happy healthy life. I’d like to wear a smaller size in jeans and clothes in general too, so that’s another goal but it’s really slow going.

I also went to confession today, the first time in months. And it took awhile, I had a lot to confess.When I finished the priest was quiet for awhile then he said to pray for patience, with myself, with God and with others. I expected him to give me a heavy penance, a dozen rosaries at least. He didn’t, I even asked and he said no, that’s all, just pray. Then he absolved me and I left, with tears running down my face. I thought about this while I was walking. Patience is not my thing, like Ed Gruberman I say “Patience yeah, how long’s that gonna take?” But I know he’s right. I want to achieve my goals and see results right away. I don’t mind putting in the effort but when I don’t see any evidence that I’ve made a difference I feel discouraged and want to give up. I am going to ask for patience, with others, myself and with God. Sometimes it’s easier to be patient with other people than it is with an omnipotent God but I need to cut Him some slack as well. Myself too, I am going to try to see the journey and not just what ‘s in front of me, to be unhappy with circumstances and stuff I can’t change.

I learned my gym membership didn’t expire like I had thought; I saw they took out the auto-pay this month and had to wait to pay my phone bill. I tried to cancel online but had to go in person and was a little bummed when I learned I wouldn’t be getting a refund. The upside is I have access to the gym until the middle of next month. So til then I intend to use it, especially when the weather is cold and it’s dark outside. Hopefully it will be getting warmer by then and I can walk at the lake more often and increase my distance. Maybe even increase my speed but again, patience.


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