It’s been awhile

I haven’t posted awhile because there’s been nothing I really felt the need to mention. Little personal details, like my divorce becoming final last month, are all that’s been happening.

I was at work yesterday, I work at a low-paying, soul-sucking, morale-destroying retail job, when a woman came in and said she recognized me. She knew me, by sight, from The Gorn’s support group. She told me I looked good and I felt flattered enough to ask about her surgery and how much she’s lost. She told me she had her surgery in April and has already lost 40 pounds. She feels great and some of her health problems are already gone. She had a problem with constipation and stomach issues. On the personal side she was there for a get well card for her mom, who has been sick awhile and she’s now caring for her. She had the lap band and is getting her fills at another doctor’s office at a different hospital than the ones where The Gorn had privileges. It’s working for her and she’s thrilled. We talked around other people and I told her, warned her really, that her relationships with people are going to change and to be aware of it. She said she’s already seeing it happen. I threw in that I was divorced now, just to expect changes but that the changes will be good ones.  She nodded and seemed to understand, I only hope she enjoys her new body and finds strength she may not have known she possesses. I know I did.

But it wasn’t always the best way to learn, though I feel like I’m regressing in a way.  In a good way, I feel like I’m coming into my own strength again, like I had when I was younger and believed that I could do almost anything. Before I knew better, but this time around I can see where my strengths are and acknowledge my weaknesses, unlike before when I preferred to ignore any weakness or consider it as failure. I know I can take care of my own damn self, I’ve been doing it all along, even while I was married, especially while I was married. When I announced my divorce everyone around me said the same things. What will happen to my husband and my son? Will they be all right? How are they dealing with it? Only one person, my dear friend of 20+ years (we met in kindergarten, not really but it makes me feel a little less old) asked how I was. She called me 2 nights ago too, to check on me because she knew I was having a hard time dealing with another issue. So apparently all these people, including my sisters and dad, knew I could handle this, I figured I could too. I learned I like being alone. Considering my situation and current lack of close-by friends, that’s a darned good thing. I do like my solitude, the result of being an only child for 15 years and I still consider myself an only even though I have 2 younger sisters. I can find small things to enjoy, things that don’t cost a lot of money and that I can enjoy on my own. Like buying a diet snowball at Hawaiian Mike’s, blue coconut is my current favorite. I had the regular watermelon and it was sweet but gave me a sugar high/low. My body reacts strongly to refined sugar and I need to watch it, I’m not experiencing diabetic symptoms but I still avoid most sweets. My body also responds to exercise, I’m taking yoga classes twice a week, three if my schedule permits. I’m going to a Continual Flow class, where we hold the poses for a second and move on, it is hard and I pour sweat after a few minutes, I can’t always do all the poses and it kicks my butt but I love it. I like to challenge myself now, rather than hang back and say it’s too hard and I’ll look foolish. I do look foolish but I don’t care.

One thing that also encourages me is astrology, Even though I don’t believe in it, that the stars hold our destiny or whatever, I like to read the personality profile of my sign, Aries. I’ll look it up on google and read that I am strong, fearless, a leader, tough, willing to take chances and that I will achieve any (semi-reasonable) goal I set my sights on. It’s good affirmation and though I am skeptical about the whole thing I like hearing I’m not weak or afraid. Some days it is the only encouragement I hear. I still pray and that makes a difference in my life, I can pray for others easily, even those who have hurt me, but I feel awkward asking for myself, asking the same old things, But I’m doing it and some days i can feel the difference, I do things I could not do or have the courage to do previously. Right now I’m thinking of going on vacation this fall, by myself. Go where I want, do what I want and enjoy the experience. I haven’t decided where I’m going yet, that’s the only setback so far. I also decided yesterday that I’m finally going on a honeymoon. Alone, of course. I’m going to take a trip somewhere I’ve always wanted to go and do it right, spend a bit of cash and really enjoy myself. We never had a honeymoon, we stayed overnight in a hotel in town after we were married but that was it, we never went on a belated honeymoon later either like I’ve heard some couples do. We never had the time or money but the truth is we never made it a priority and that probably says something about my marriage too. So I want my honeymoon, I figure it’s better late than never. After I get back from my vacation I’ll start thinking about where I want to go and about making it happen. Paris is my first obvious choice with London a very close second but we will see,

I love this song. I apologize for the dirty bits and the F-word if that offends you but as for me I feel the need for that word in this song, in my case anyway. This woman rocks and I envy her flexibility too.


I went to my first Zumba class today. My sister talked me into it, her friend Deanna just got certified to teach and was having her first class at the church gym. I was a little hesitant, I am a clumsy person and have no rhythm. I’ve been doing yoga about once a week and have spent very little time on the treadmill and running so I am not really in shape right now. I was really hesitant after looking at Zumba videos on youtube. I saw groups of taut bodied people led by professional dancers doing fast and complicated routines and my initial thought was “this is going to kill me.”  Yet I went and I was surprised. Our class was less a choreographed spectacle and a lot like this, but thankfully without this song.

Since I no longer go to the same church as my sisters (it’s a long story) I hadn’t seen a lot of people from there in awhile. I recognized a couple of the women mostly on sight and talked to a couple of them. Deanna hadn’t seen me in over a year and complimented me on my weight-loss and a few others noticed too. I didn’t tell them about the bypass, I think some of them knew, from my sisters.

Most of the class was made up of middle-aged women, a few younger girls and a couple of brave men. Deanna’s mom was there too, she  told me they take a class at their gym about twice a week though she has to modify some of the moves.  I told her this was my first time and I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. It would be fun, she said but first I had to sign a waiver and the sign-up sheet. She brought bottled water for us too and that was a big plus. I was surprised to see my other sister,who told me our sister, the one who talked us into this, wasn’t coming. I rolled my eyes but she said the fence guy was coming and she had to wait on him. Her fence and one of the trees in her backyard were destroyed in the tornado a few weeks ago and with all the demand he had this was the first time the fence guy could fit her in. So we got in place and the class started.

Deanna started us out slowly, thankfully. She knew most of us were newbies and most of us were old broads. She told us to try to mirror her moves but if we couldn’t copy her to keep moving, it didn’t have to be perfect, the important part was to try. If we needed to stop or rest that was OK too, she said. She broke it into 15 minute sections so we could stop and take a drink or rest if needed. I managed to keep going and kept up, more or less, with her. My moves were not as smooth as hers, I nearly knocked over my sister’s water bottle and almost collided with another woman at one point but overall it was good.  At the end we took a group pic, the first class of survivors. I told Deanna’s mom I’d be willing to try it again and she told us shes planning on offering classes 3 days a week. I will try to go back Friday, it was like aerobics. I did that back in the day and while I never got in shape doing that this was more fun than just doing the treadmill. I hope I can get back into the habit of jogging and that this will be a good way to ease back into it. Even though I can claim the heat is why I don’t jog I know I can still go to the gym so it’s a weak excuse. I’ve just been lazy and I can feel my butt getting soft. I may not make Zumba a regular thing but it’s nice to know it’s an option.