awkwardness

Since my surgery my body has gone through some changes. Besides the obvious, like losing weight and finding certain foods don’t appeal to me any more, there’s been one surprising change.  I don’t want to be intimate with my husband any longer. My libido, which was always healthy, is gone.

This isn’t the first time, I felt this way after surgery. https://quichepuppy.wordpress.com/2012/10/25/smells-and-other-concerns/  But even though I recovered and was able, as BB King said, the thrill is gone.

He’s been helpful and supportive, he tells me I look good and puts up with a lot. Just tonight I came home from work and found he had the Stars-Oilers game on TV for me and he even sat and watched part of it, until he got bored. He also tells me he desires me more now and while that sounds great and might be good news if I felt it but I don’t. My body feels foreign, it looks different and feels different. Sometimes I don’t feel this is my body, that these feelings and reactions are not mine and should be happening to someone else.

It’s not that I don’t believe I deserve to feel pleasure, I still enjoy the same things I enjoyed before surgery. Like reading, rainy days, the color red and other emotional reactions, they’re still fun. Physical reactions vary, I don’t care for the taste of meat any more, especially beef, but if I had to I could eat a burger. It’s been the same with my husband, I’ve gone through with it for his sake, because it made him happy and frankly it got him off my back (both literally and figuratively).  He didn’t force me to do this, I’m not being abused and I did it of my own free will. But this morning I told him I didn’t want to any more and he understood. He was disappointed but knows I’ve had to adjust to some big changes. He even suggested counseling and said he feels we are drifting apart, that this is the only way we still connect.  He said that this is temporary and that may be true but if it’s not then I do not know what we will do.

I remember reading that this aspect of life might improve, that bariatric patients will feel more comfortable being intimate with their partners/spouses. I’ve not heard that patients will lose their mojo but it can happen, I’m proof. I hope this doesn’t scare or worse, discourage anyone from having the surgery. Mine is probably a rare case, it’s probably hormonal and not related to the surgery. Even if I knew before I had my bypass  this would happen I’d still have the surgery. The benefits outweigh the disadvantages.

I do have to mention one good unrelated thing–I had wild onions last weekend (wild green onions cooked with scrambled eggs) and it was good. No problems, with eating or anything else. A good thing too since we’re just getting into the season and I hope to have more wild onion dinners even if I can’t eat the accompanying fried chicken or pork, Even frybread is iffy though I took a few very small bites but concentrated on the onions. So far so good. If I couldn’t have wild onions I’d be one sad little puppy.

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2 thoughts on “awkwardness

  1. I myself have noticed a change in intimacy with my husband, however just this week things ramped up a little and it was closer to the way it was before the surgery, the upside there is more of an experimental feeling about it. He and I are both learning about my new body as we go. Don’t give up, it will come back to you.

  2. Thank you, that’s encouraging to hear. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who’s had this problem. I’m happy for you and your husband and I wish you a long happy future.

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