smells and other concerns

I wrote a long entry and can’t find the bloody thing so I’m re-doing it.

I went to a funeral yesterday and the event itself did not cause me distress. My uncle was old, ready to go and had made his peace with it.  What did distress me was the dinner after, I smelled many wonderful things I hadn’t had in a long time and it made me wish I could eat. Traditional food, especially a corn soup we call tanchi or pashofa really got to me. On the way home we stopped at a Love’s so my son could use the bathroom and he came out with the best smelling pizza I’ have smelled in a long, long time. Fortunately he scarfed it down fast so I didn’t have to suffer long. Then late last night he decided to make gumbo. He apologized in advance for the delicious smells that would be coming from the kitchen. Oddly enough this didn’t bother me as much. Maybe knowing in advance helped but I didn’t want it and I am a woman who loves andouille sausage.

I told several relatives about my surgery, explaining why I wasn’t eating. Two of my cousins immediately declared they wanted to get bypasses too. I told them that I couldn’t eat solids for 2 months, some foods will be off limits permanently and that I had painful gas. They changed their minds right away. Anyone who thinks this is easy needs to be informed otherwise.  Schooled, if necessary.

The other concern I have is sexual. I don’t feel like it. I don’t want my husband to touch me, especially when I have gas and feel bloated. He’s been patient but let me know he’s willing and ready. Even when I’m not bloated I don’t feel that way, it’s like that part of me is dead. I’m hoping it’s temporary, it’s been 2 weeks since the surgery but if not I’m not sure what I’ll do. Give in eventually, for his sake perhaps.  We’ve been married 24 years and this has never been a problem before. This song has been going through my mind lately.


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